Taking Risks

Lately I’ve been feeling a little stuck, a little unsure of what steps I should be taking to proceed in my pursuit of my goals and certain milestones in my career. I’ve been looking for inspiration and waiting for opportunity to knock at my door. At an audition class a few weeks ago with Jen Waldman, she said something that really resonated with me and really made me reflect on the decisions I was making and the steps I was taking (or not taking) to move my career forward. Jen said, “You can’t make progress doing what you’ve always done.” Seems very simple and somewhat obvious, but the truth of this hit me like a brick wall. I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I personally made a choice and took a daring risk or stepped outside of my comfort zone to further myself as a performer.

We all take risks on a daily basis, myself included. True, if you know me well, you probably know those aren’t the most daring or reckless risks, but they are risks nonetheless. I leave the house without my umbrella, even though the weather forecast predicts a 98% chance of rain (hence my superfluous collection of Duane Reade umbrellas); I frequently snooze my alarm, although I know an extra 30 minutes of sleep puts me 100 numbers lower on the nonequity waiting list (meaning I may not be seen at the audition that day); I cross the street while the sign says do not walk, knowing full well I may get bumped by a reckless cabbie (which has indeed happened to me before). If we are so comfortable taking risks in our everyday lives, why does it feel like pulling teeth to take risks that apply to our passions and our careers? 

In an effort to take a risk that would hopefully lead to progress, I decided the first crucial step is defining my goals, long term and short term, and looking at what decisive steps can be made to start moving in the right direction of what I want to achieve. So, fueled by a newfound (slightly) rebellious desire to take a chance, I started a list of my goals and assessed the potential decisions I could make and risks I could be taking to further my career in the direction I wanted to see it going. I am at a point in my life and my career where I have decided that I want to join Actors Equity Association -- the union representing actors and stage managers in the theatre in the US -- and this past week a situation arose where I had the opportunity to express my wish to join. So I mustered up some courage, drafted and redrafted my email about seventeen times, and asked for my equity card. To my pleasant surprise, the situation worked out in my favor, and I would be able to earn my equity card.

But I wasn’t as thrilled as I had anticipated. Instead, I felt nervous, and this made me confused. After much thought, I finally realized why I felt so uneasy; this was a big career decision I was making on my own without anyone walking me through the steps. No one had reached out and offered me my card; I had asked for it. I felt uneasy because I didn’t have anyone directly backing me up in my decision to take this next big step in my career.

I hate decisions, especially when they hold the incredible weight of my career in the balance. What I need to realize is that in one decision, my career is never entirely on the line. It’s never, “I must make the right decision or I’ll never have a career.” Rather I think every decision leads you down a different path and you learn different things from different twists and turns and the journey on the way, but they ultimately lead you to where you’re supposed to end up. What I realized is that I must have the confidence and knowledge of my own heart and my desires and goals to make a decision -- to take a risk and stand by it. Because if I can’t stand by my own decisions on my own two feet, how can I expect anyone else to stand by them as well?  

I read some articles from Frontiers in Psychology and Harvard Business Review to better understand the logic behind how people react to risk, hoping to become more aware of why I personally struggle with taking risks. Psychology studies show that people tend to be risk-averse. Potential loss weighs heavier in our minds than potential gain does; we see our goals as responsibilities rather than possibilities, and therefore we often avoid risks or decisions for the fear that taking risks and breaking the rules will land us in hot water or push us further back on our path to success. Studies have also shown that risk aversion increases between childhood and adulthood. Younger children are more influenced by the probability of winning than adults are, and are therefore more willing to take risks because they consider the potential gains much more than the potential loss. This concept makes sense; children are fearless, uninhibited, less concerned with societal judgement than adults. The obstacle standing in my way, and of my own creation, is fear; fear of looking unprepared, inexperienced, or foolish. And that fear leads to indecisiveness and lack of action. If I want to make progress, I must learn to be okay with the potential cost of the risks that I take, shake off inhibition, and learn to embrace the childlike outlook of valuing the potential benefits, rather than let potential loss scare me away.

At an audition this week I saw the opportunity to put this lesson to the test. Waiting to go into the room to dance, a fellow auditioner asked me tentatively if I had overheard what the combo was going to be like. “Oh yeah!” I replied. “They did two ballet across-the-floor combinations. Like tombé pas de bourrée, pirouettes, piqué piqué, chaînes, and then a grand allegro, like tombé pas de bourrée glissade grand jeté! Nothing too crazy.” After a bit more chit chat she confided in me that she had actually thought the audition was a singers’ call, and then when she realized it was the dance call, she had panicked. She had never been to a dance call, and did not know any of the steps I had so nonchalantly mentioned. She was considering leaving when, feeling inspired by my new intentions to take risks and living vicariously through her, I told her I really thought she ought to stay and give it a shot. She mustered up the courage to stay and dance, and let me tell you, she absolutely killed it. I admired how much grace and confidence she employed in the room when I knew she had been so nervous before, and I wasn’t the only one complimenting her either. Everyone had admired her courage and her determination, and on her way out, I heard her exclaiming how much fun she had had and how glad she was that she had stayed. She left feeling inspired from watching the more experienced dancers around her and proud of herself for successfully having taken a bold risk.  

If you’re too nervous to take a risk, just tell yourself this: you took one of the biggest risks of all in moving to New York City. And has it paid off? I’m sure almost everyone would say yes, or be able to think of at least one positive effect they could attribute to moving to this great city. But even this decision was difficult to arrive at; you’re never really 100% ready. You’ve never saved up enough or found the perfect job and your dream apartment, but you have to make the move to be in the right place for those opportunities to open up to you. The same goes for taking chances and making risks. Let the potential payoff weigh more than the potential cost, and take a chance! You might be pleasantly surprised and discover you have more confidence than you thought. And if it’s a disaster, at least you can laugh at yourself, learn from your actions, and find comfort in knowing that you took the step forward. Listen to your heart, and know that taking a risk is worth the possible failure, because at least then you’re making moves. If you sit back to wait and be 100% confident, you may never make a move. Be confident, even if it’s only 72% confident, embrace a childish spirit of fearlessness, and take a chance. Don’t sit back and wait for life to turn into a rollercoaster that whisks you away to your end goals and final destination. Make choices. Take steps. Embrace risks. Make things happen.